I’ve spent the last few afternoons by myself and it feels good. After getting a few things done in the morning I’ve walked fifteen minutes down the beach to a small clearing right by a creek. The people from the hostel usually have parties here during the night. But it’s an excellent place to hang out during the day.
I bring a bit of marijuana with me, along with some snacks, and I read and meditate in the sunlight. It’s usually a place you can count on being alone. But today someone stopped by and meditated for a little while.
We chatted only for a bit but for the most part we just sat there in silence together. I enjoy the silence. That’s why I wanted to get away from the hostel the last few days. There’s always someone to talk to. There’s very little opportunity for some alone time and quiet.
I really enjoy the different people that are staying here with me. But I am constantly socializing. All the time. It gets exhausting.
I understand this is what I signed up for. I decided to travel around and live in a hostel. But I need to find a better balance for myself. When I begin to burn out I need to listen to my mind and my body and step away. I think I kept partying and socializing here because it seemed (to me at least) that’s what was expected of me. I kept at it because I wanted to make new friends. But it wasn’t what I needed at that moment in time.
I’m beginning to understand that I am more of an introvert than I thought. I experience waves when I am super social but on the whole, I get my energy from being alone and doing things like reading and meditating and taking walks.
I’ve pushed myself too far and that’s why I’m feeling the way that I am feeling. I have to act in a way that aligns with what I know is good for me, with my nature. I’ve been a walking contradiction of sorts and it’s funny to be honest. It will take some time but I am looking forward to untangling the knots I’ve created.