I Travel And Stuff

I’ve spent the last few afternoons by myself and it feels good. After getting a few things done in the morning I’ve walked fifteen minutes down the beach to a small clearing right by a creek. The people from the hostel usually have parties here during the night. But it’s an excellent place to hang out during the day.

I bring a bit of marijuana with me, along with some snacks, and I read and meditate in the sunlight. It’s usually a place you can count on being alone. But today someone stopped by and meditated for a little while.

We chatted only for a bit but for the most part we just sat there in silence together. I enjoy the silence. That’s why I wanted to get away from the hostel the last few days. There’s always someone to talk to. There’s very little opportunity for some alone time and quiet.

I really enjoy the different people that are staying here with me. But I am constantly socializing. All the time. It gets exhausting.

I understand this is what I signed up for. I decided to travel around and live in a hostel. But I need to find a better balance for myself. When I begin to burn out I need to listen to my mind and my body and step away. I think I kept partying and socializing here because it seemed (to me at least) that’s what was expected of me. I kept at it because I wanted to make new friends. But it wasn’t what I needed at that moment in time.

I’m beginning to understand that I am more of an introvert than I thought. I experience waves when I am super social but on the whole, I get my energy from being alone and doing things like reading and meditating and taking walks.

I’ve pushed myself too far and that’s why I’m feeling the way that I am feeling. I have to act in a way that aligns with what I know is good for me, with my nature. I’ve been a walking contradiction of sorts and it’s funny to be honest. It will take some time but I am looking forward to untangling the knots I’ve created.

If I’m learning anything it’s that I have a lot to learn. I’d like to experiment a bit more in all aspects of my life. This trip is as much about discovering new places as it is about learning new skills and understanding who I am as a person.

I met a man here at the hostel the other night and we meditated together. His name is Kristian and he has experience guiding meditation sessions. He created a very open space for everyone that was there. We were able to talk openly with each other and that felt refreshing.

At first, I will admit, I was a bit jealous. Usually, I’m the person that helps other people learn about meditation. It makes me feel important. And I felt a bit usurped by this guy. But I noticed I was feeling this way and I decided it was a silly way to react. I don’t want to let my pride getting in the way of me learning new things from other people.

To be honest you could feel this man’s energy and it was very calming. I could tell this guy knew what he was talking about and the meditation session went extremely well for me. It was what I needed at that moment.

He introduced us to something I have never done before called holotropic breathing. It’s a breathing technique that is used for emotional healing and wellness. You breathe very deeply into your stomach, then your chest, and finally you expunge all of the air. You build up a quick rhythm for a few minutes until you’re finally asked to hold your breath for a time.

By doing this you alter the oxygen levels in your body. You start to feel tingling in your body, especially in the limbs. It feels similar to when your foot or your hand falls asleep. Breathing in this way produces an altered state of consciousness. I would compare it to your mental state when you go for a long run. You’re better able to focus on the body and the breath.

It was difficult and after a certain period of time, I started to believe that I couldn’t continue to breathe like this any longer. But you are encouraged to continue. The breath is very powerful and it can overcome the limits that the brain puts on it.

I would like to continue doing this type of breathwork because I want to experiment more. I know how to do various types of meditations but I really haven’t challeneged myself much over the last few years to learn anything new. I’ve been doing the same types of meditations each day and it’s a bit easy to get bored and to feel stagnant.

I’ve decided that I need to begin writing again. It’s been close to a month since I last wrote something here. I haven’t been on many adventures lately but there’s still a lot to write about. I promise to catch everybody up on what’s been happening. I just need some time to process it all so I can express myself the way that I want to.

It isn’t easy to say this but I’ve been in a bit of a rut over the last few months. I haven’t felt motivated to write because I didn’t know how to get my feelings across without causing people to worry. It isn’t simple to talk about these types of things openly. But I would like to be more open here. It will help me get through whatever it is that’s bothering me.

The good news is that I’ve been feeling better the last few days. It’s going to take some time for me to feel the way that I want to feel. And that’s okay. I understand this is a process. I’ve been down this road before.

When I originally set out on this trip I understood that it wasn’t always going to be smooth sailing. I knew I was going to have good times and bad times. Right now I’m going through a bad period. But I understand what changes I need to make to feel more like myself.

I think it’ll be easier to make these changes once I move on from Byron Bay. The border to Queensland is opening tomorrow and my plan is to head north in another week or so. I think a change of scenery will be a good thing for me. I’m ready to explore this country again.

I also heard back about my visa application and it’s been accepted. So now I can stay in the country until the end of October. I’ll have another four and a half months to take a look around Australia. My plan is to continue towards Darwin like I originally set out to do. I think it’ll take me another two months to get up there.

That’s where I’ll make a decision about my next move. If I want to remain in Australia I’ll still have some time left on my visa. And if I want to see something different then I’ll move on. I’m confident that by that time I’ll have the opportunity to travel abroad if I want to.

I’ll end it like this. I am extremely fortunate to be where I am, when I am. I’m in a beautiful place surrounded by beautiful people. This isn’t lost on me. I might not being feeling at my best right now but I’m excited for what the future has to offer. There are still so many people to meet and adventures to have. I’m looking forward to seeing what the next part of this trip has in store.

The sharing culture is very strong at the hostel I am staying in. Everything is shared with little regard. Food, water, cars, and tobacco. It really doesn’t matter what it is or who it belongs to. Everyone is willing to share what they have here. And they don’t ask for anything in return.

It was a bit shocking to me at first. We all know that sharing should be encouraged but usually, there is a line that isn’t crossed. Most people won’t share as much as they can in fear that they will not get anything back or they will be abused.

But here that really isn’t an issue. Because everyone is sharing everything all the time. If you are not sharing you seem like an outsider. Like someone who doesn’t belong. I am getting more comfortable with the idea.

I’ve been to plenty of hostels around the world and I’ve never seen anything like this. It’s on a totally new level and I’m happy to be here and experience this.

Still waiting on my visa extension to come through. My tourist visa officially expired on June 4th and now I am on a bridging visa. That will keep me in the country legally until a decision comes back from the Australian government.

I figured it might take this long. I applied for the visitor’s visa in the middle of May. So it’s been about three weeks. I am not too worried about it. I’m sure I will be approved to extend. I have the money to stay and I think that’s what they care about the most.

The situation at the hostel has changed a bit over the last week. Jade got a job selling solar panels door to door with one of the guys we know at the hostel. And Sebastian also started a job with the same company. They work full days during the week so it’s a bit quieter around here because of that.

I’m happy for them though. They both were looking for work for a while. It’s been a bit funny because most of the people that I’ve met in Australia are here on a working holiday visa. So they are either looking for work or helping somebody find work.

I’m one of the few people that is just traveling for the sake of traveling. But I’ve learned a ton about the process from just listening to people’s conversations. Perhaps I will do a working holiday in Australia or New Zealand once things get back to normal.

Megan, our friend from Alabama, left the hostel yesterday. She has a job lined up in another part of New South Wales. The goodbye was emotional, especially for Jade, Sebastian, and Brandon. They lived together in Melbourne for a few months and traveled all the way up here together. They were basically with each other every day.

When you spend that much time with the same people you start to give a bit of yourself to them and you take a bit of them for yourself. So when it’s time to leave each other it always a bit difficult.

Megan was all about spreading love to others and having a good time. In many ways I am envious of her and how she approaches life. She has such good energy. Always curious and finding a way to make other people smile. The vibe at the hostel with definitely be different without her.

I woke up early this morning. Or at least earlier than I have been normally waking up. It makes a huge difference. Not that I’m surprised. The sun sets at around 5 o’clock here. So if I’m not getting things done during the morning I’m losing half of the day light.

Jade and I had been talking about meditation over the last few days. So we decided to meditate on the beach after breakfast. Megan and a few other friends also came along.

We tried out a few different types of meditation. And after trying each one we would talk about our experience. There is a certain type of meditation technique called Metta meditation. You observe the breath and you concentrate on manifesting love and kindness for yourself and all beings. This means people you don’t know or even people you dislike!

After completing this meditation we had a really good discussion. A few people really opened up and talked about some difficult emotions and experiences. I’m so proud of them and inspired by them because it takes a lot of courage to do that. Making yourself vulnerable is not easy.

I really enjoy meditation and helping people understand the benefits of doing it. I always like to teach other people and help them learn new things. It is fun for me and it comes naturally. I would like to continue meditating with the people at the hostels I stay at.

Afterward, I went into the ocean. It wasn’t an especially warm day. But there are no clouds in the sky today so the sun is very strong. The water is a bit cold but it’s only a bother for a few seconds. Once you get in it feels refreshing. Almost cleansing.

I’d like to swim in the ocean more. I am right across the street from the beach after all. I think it’s healthy and good for both my body and my mind to get in there as often as I can. Maybe it will become a daily habit as long as I stay here.

My friends birthday was yesterday. His name is Brandon and he likes to make fires. Super big into survivial shows and all that. We make fires on the beach frequently because of him. So this time he wanted to make a fire and he wanted to cook some food out on the beach. So that’s exactly what we did.

It actually worked out way better than I had expected. We had vegetable skewers, potatoes, fish, and a rotisserie chicken. At first, it didn’t seem like it was going to end well. They wanted to spitroast the chicken the way you see it in movies. But the first stick wasn’t strong enough and we had to find another one.

It took a few hours but the chicken came out okay. Nice and brown on the outside. I didn’t have any but the boys feasted on it for a bit.

I have to give it to Jade. She did most of the work cooking the veggies and the potatoes. She would take coals from the fire and set them in a small sandpit and use it as an oven. We definitely had an amazing time.

Our friend Adam, who was also there, has a slackline and we’ve been using it a lot lately. A slackline is like a balance beam except it isn’t sturdy. It’s basically like a tightwire and you tie it between two trees. He is absolutely amazing at it. He can walk from one end to the other, sit down, stand up, and spin.

I’ve gone out the last few days to practice and I’m definitely getting better. When I first started I couldn’t stay on the line for more than a few seconds. I think yesterday I was on the line for about 15 seconds. I still have trouble taking a second step. I haven’t managed to take a second step and find my balance yet.

But the slacklining has helped me feel more positive in the last few days. Because I am determined to get better I will try again when I fall off. I have something to work at. And that type of feeling carries over to other things throughout the day.

Kind of an odd day yesterday. I went into town in the morning because I desperately needed to get some food. There’s a shuttle that can bring you into town which is a nice perk because the town is about a half-hour walk away from the hostel. And if you need to get a lot from the store then you’re going to have a tough time carrying it back.

Unfortunately, the shuttle must have forgotten about us. We waited where we were dropped off and for a bit, I thought we were going to have to walk back. But thankfully we saw one of our friends in town and they gave us a ride back to the hostel.

Jade and Megan were in bad shape in the morning. The original plan was to head to one of the waterfalls in the area but it didn’t look like they were going to be able to do it when I left for the store. They must have rallied while we were gone and got themselves moving. We got back and they were already on their way there.

So it was up to the boys and I to find a ride. Thankfully, our friend Gleb wanted to go too and he gave us a lift. The waterfall wasn’t terribly far away, maybe about a twenty minutes drive.

Most of the people that had gone out there earlier in the day we’re leaving when we arrived but the girls stayed around for a bit. It was a nice little spot. A stream that ran for about a few hundred meters being fed by a waterfall.

The waterfall was pretty powerful and we went down to check it out. I just sat there for a little while and observed. Most everyone went into the water but it was freezing cold so I just dipped my feet in.

We drank a few beers, smoked a bit, and then we left. Maybe we stayed there for two hours, maybe less to be honest.

I didn’t take any pictures to share here so I’ll have to grab a few from my friends and post them. There were a few times that I felt like I should take some pictures. Especially on the observation deck that overlooked the waterfall. But I decided to just observe and try to live in the present moment.

There are times when I am taking pictures of everything and then there are times I feel it’s not too important. You don’t need the perfect picture of everything. Sometimes just focusing on being as present as possible can be better than a picture. I think so anyway.

I want to push myself to write here more often. It’s been almost two weeks since I last completed an entry. I think the issue is that I want every entry to be something spectacular. Every time I write I want to tell an amazing story. But that is not realistic.

In Hawaii and New Zealand I was moving around all the time and doing something new every day. I had a lot of stories to tell so I was more motivated to write. I had memorable experiences and I wanted to share them.

Even though my time in Australia hasn’t been nearly as adventurous it’s still makes up a part of this trip. It is challenging in its own way. When I decided to create this website I committed myself to sharing my story. That means sharing my thoughts and my emotions as well as my experiences. I think I fell into a trap of trying to paint a beautiful picture of my trip. And it’s no wonder that I have lost the desire to write lately.

I want to write here at least 4 days a week moving forward. It doesn’t have to be a huge entry. It can be as simple as a sentence explaining something that made me smile that day. Or I can write about something that I am grateful for. When I have amazing stories to tell I will tell them.

Another thought. I’m finding that writing here does not fulfill me as much as writing in a personal journal. The issue is that I am censoring myself here. I have family and close friends reading these entries (I hope) and I am not prepared to be as open as I would be if I were writing in a journal that no one would read.

At the moment I don’t have a journal for personal use. I didn’t bring one along with me because I didn’t want to carry it. And I thought that the blog would fill the shoes of a personal journal.

I’ve come to the conclusion that I need somewhere to write where I can be more open than I am able to be here. I feel more like myself when I have a medium in which to give my more personal thoughts and emotions physical form. Eventually this website could be that for me. But I’m not ready to take that leap just yet.

This past week has been a very lazy one for me. I can’t say I’ve done much worthy of talking about. It’s very social here and every night we hang out in the courtyard. Most of my evenings consist of drinking beers and smoking with some of the friends I’ve made at the hostel.

I’m thankful to be in a place that hasn’t been hit hard by the virus. The social distancing laws are not strictly enforced here. We’re all living in a little bubble disconnected from the outside world.

Ever since I arrived I haven’t been checking the news and keeping up with what’s happening internationally with COVID. When I was back in Sydney I was watching the news all the time. There wasn’t much else to do at that point.

To feel as disconnected from the outside world as I am feeling now is both a good and a bad thing I think. I haven’t been as stressed out and I haven’t been worrying about my plan for the future. But being too disconnected isn’t all that great either. I haven’t been communicating with my family and friends as often. I need to do a better job of that.

The weather has been holding up. Rain was in the forecast for this week but it stayed sunny the last few days and I’ve spent a lot of time on the beach. Not doing anything in particular there except hanging out. But it’s a good way to pass the time.

I will admit though, it is getting a bit boring. I just don’t really have much of a purpose at the moment. I don’t have a plan for my day when I wake up in the morning. I grab some breakfast, sit down in the common area, and chat up with some people. And then we figure out something to do for the rest of the day. It usually takes us about an hour to organize ourselves and then by that time it’s already the early afternoon.

I am starting to feel a little bit like I did when I was in Melbourne. I am losing my routine. I haven’t been meditating or practicing Spanish nearly as much since I arrived. These two activities are things I’m used to doing every day. I know I have to make a change if I don’t feel excited to meditate or learn Spanish most days of the week.

I also haven’t been writing. I have a lot of free time so I should be writing something down here every few days. Sometimes it is difficult to write because I am not sure what I want to write about. But I have enough time to figure something out. I have been focusing on socializing and I haven’t carved out enough time for myself.

I really struggle to find a balance between taking time and energy to take care of myself and using my energy to invest in other people and share experiences with them. I get polarized on either side of the spectrum sometimes. I need to continue to work at it and find a balance.